Tales From the Post Office

I had to go to the Post Office last night to mail a package. Normally, I use the “in-and-out” self-service postage machine but since I was shipping the package to Australia (which requires a customs form), I had wait in line.

I don’t mind waiting in line. Seriously.

Actually, I typically enjoy the Post Office and sometimes even daydream of becoming a Post Office employee. A solid government job with a uniform (no hemming and hawing in the morning over what to wear) and a set job schedule (you come in, you work your shift, you go home).

I have also seen Men in Black, where I learned that aliens actually are living and working among us as “normal” humans. The biggest alien employer? You guess it: the Post Office. Okay, I understand that this is a fictional movie but next time you are at your local Post Office…look around. Seriously, it could be true.

Last night, I was helped by an alien (not very well disguised, I might add). A creepy, scary, mentally-unstable alien. Doesn’t the government screen the postal employees anymore? I saw him right away…behind the counter with tinted glasses (creep meter notched up) and a demeanor that was far off from “normal” (creep meter continued to notch up).

There were two Postal workers behind the counter. The other worker has helped me before and he is a very nice, helpful, NORMAL acting person. Quickly, I calculated my chances: 50/50, normal/creepo.

Sure enough, I got creepo. Nervously, I approached the counter and handed over my package. He was kind of swaying slightly as he processed my package. The effort it took to stamp the date on my package was impressive. Then came my total: “$2.20”, he said. So I gave him a $20 bill and 20 cents. A delay. “Urgh (imagine a weird grunt/laugh combo), 20-20, Urgh”, he said. Um, yeah dude, real funny.

I got my change and got me the heck out of there.